The Helpers

When I look over the past 3 years of my life I think about all the helpers that were involved. If I tried to make a list of names of all those helpers it would be several pages long. There were many scary, happy, uncertain, exhausting, surrendering, and spiritual moments. During all those moments there were always helpers. Obviously, I had wonderful doctors, nurses, and other medical professionals, but I needed my helpers. I would like to talk about a few of my helpers.

My mom flew out to Stanford with my brother, Richard to see me when I woke up from my transplant. My mom and

Richard are the first faces I remember seeing. I was so thankful to have them there.

My mom returned for a second visit with Cindy. My mom stayed with me through the night and I was a terror. I had already had my stroke and was in a lot of pain. I had psychosis and was irritable and grouchy. I was mad and demanding. I even managed to turn myself sideways in my bed using only my left arm and leg. My mom tried to comfort me but I was uncontrollable. I still feel terrible for how I acted.

My sister, Cindy, sits in the shadows quietly helping. She also got one of the hardest turns when helping me. I haven't shared much about her and how she helped during my transplant because I feel embarrassed and horrible for what happened. It also makes me cry because of the sacrifices she made for me. After my stroke, Cindy brought my mom and Zoe out to see me. I don't have any memory of this visit, but I was grouchy and irritable. Unfortunately, this is the only picture I have of Cindy while I was in California.

After I was moved to St. Francis Hospital Acute Rehab in San Fransisco, Cindy came out to stay with me to give Levi a break. She helped take care of me and started playing music for me. I started crying and repeatedly told her to sing along with the songs even though she didn't know the words. She would sit in silence with me, because that is what I preferred, because all sounds were over stimulating. She would help me get out of the hospital bed, get things for me and more because I did not have the strength. She cheered me up, got me to start laughing and cracking jokes.

Later, I returned to Stanford for surgery on my groin. While at Stanford, Cindy returned for another visit. This visit was very different from her other visits. Lack of sleep and several failed attempts to insert a feeding tube through my nose was so painful that I could no longer handle any of it physically or mentally. I started screaming things like: "Stop", "Take it out" and "Just let me die." Cindy tried her best to comfort me, but I was unconsolable. Cindy would rub my arm to comfort me, but anything and everything that touched me hurt. I would tell her to stop and not to touch me. At one point she told the hospital staff to leave the room and give me a break. Cindy never complained or gave up. She was patient, understanding and kind. She just stayed by my side and did what she could to help.

My close friend, April, who is even a closer friend now (wink) because of the things she helped me with during one of her turns being a helper. April pictured on the far right in the teal shirt agreed to be my secondary care taker. April has some hospital and medical experience from her own family which came in handy. I'm not sure if April was prepared for the help I needed. April was a champ. She helped me with gross dressing changes from my groin wound and feeding tube. She even went above and beyond by shaving my hairy legs that had not been touched in over 3 months. She helped make those awkward moments hilarious memories.

April even convinced Levi she had things under control (which she did) and would be fine to fly home to get Zoe and bring her to our apartment in Sunnyvale, California while I was in the ER with a severe bloody nose. April sat for hours with me talking and laughing in the wee hours of that night with a balloon up my nose to keep it from bleeding.

I have amazing friends and family. My sister, Kim, flew to California with my good friend, Tifani, to visit me. It was nice to see more familiar faces. Tifani colored my hair and waxed my hairy face (thank you steroids). Kim and Tifani took Zoe swimming in the pool at our apartment complex while I slept. They spent a lot of time entertaining Zoe. I am grateful for their love and support.

In my time of stress and uncertainty I am thankful to have friends and family who stepped in and helped. They have been examples to me of Christlike love and service. I am forever grateful for their friendships.

As I see the stress and sadness going on in our world today it's made me stop and think about how I can be a helper. What can I do to lighten someone's load or bring some cheer. Helpers are needed now more than ever.

I wish I had more pictures to document everyone.