We were on a break

Sorry I disappeared for a little bit. As Ross from Friends would say, "we were on a break". I took a little time off of social media and blogging to take time for myself and family. Many good and not so good things have happened since my last post so I give a small update.

In early September, I finished a 5k fun walk\run. I walked as fast as I could and out walked a few family members. I was proud of my accomplishment.

I love my biggest fan and supporter. Levi has taught we so much about love and commitment. I am so thankful for him.

I am so thankful for my support team. I felt so loved and supported. They kept me going so I could finish strong.

I made the list of the many faces of stroke and heart disease. Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed or confused when others ask me questions about my transplant or stroke. It is hard for me to know what to say. It's hard to talk about one without talking about the other. They are like a packaged deal. They both happened so close together that I am not sure which one to blame for different deficits. I do know I can blame them both for changing me into the person I've become. I feel more compassion for others and their challenges. And I am thankful for that.

Zoe is extremely afraid of heights so I told Zoe I would climb to the top of the rock wall if she would try as well. My legs are still weak and shaky, but I did it. Zoe gave it her best shot and I'm so proud of her for trying. Zoe is a great example of being a strong young women.

While I still continue to deal with physical issues (more on that in my next post) lately, the psychological issues have weighed on me as well. Depression has been an issue more for me. I have a hard time motivating myself to do things I enjoy and when it's really bad I sit and cry. It's easy to get discouraged that I can't do all the things I wanted to do after my transplant. I struggle with not being able to do things I could before my transplant. I feel guilty for feeling sad for my losses. My therapist has been great to help me understand that my stroke took a lot away from me and it is okay to acknowledge the loss.

Even though times get hard I am grateful for what I have been given. I just celebrated my 39th birthday. The day I got my call for my transplant, I was 37 1/2. I was so sick that the doctors were telling me there was not much more they could do. I had days left and I was unaware how sick I was. My family could see how sick I was just by looking at me. My former cardiologist saw me and said I didn't have much time left. It humbles me to think about it. If I had not received my transplant I would have been dead for almost 1 1/2 years. I think of all the things I've been able to do and experience in that time. All the pain, suffering, heartache, worry, etc. has been worth it. I would do it again. I believe that God is good even when life is not. I have seen and experienced many tender mercies.