I choose to be happy

I'm sure you guessed it. I had another visit to the ER and hospital. Luckily, this time I was already downtown for my Endocrinologist appointment and was immediately sent over to the ER to be checked out for chest pains, shortness of breath and nausea and I was admitted to the hospital. They believe my gastroparesis has gotten worse and that’s causing the nausea. As for the shortness of breath and chest pressure\pain, they think that is just conditioning and needing to get more active again. After my seizure in April I haven't been able to exercise as much. They are making an appointment for me to followup with heart and lung transplant clinics later this week. They are giving me Reglan for the nausea as needed and recommending I followup with my gastroenterologist about pursuing another botox treatment of the stomach valve. It’s possible the one I had a year ago has worn off.

(My view for a few days. Thanks for the picture April).

Things don't always run as smoothly as I would like them to, but at the Smith house we somehow get by. Somedays I feel accomplished and proud of the progress I've made, while other days are just plain hard and we try again the next day. The two following quotes somedays express my thoughts perfectly.

"This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it shall pass."

"Honestly, I don't even play an active role in my life anymore...things just happen and I'm like "Oh, is this what we're doing now? OK"."

If you know me well, you know I use humor and sarcasm to cope. If I can turn my trials and worries into a joke I can deal with the situation better. I know I am very honest and say shocking things at times, but I do not mean to offend or hurt others feelings. If I can joke and laugh at my situation than I can cope.

I had a few guests visit me while in the hospital. April came down to visit and stay the night so Levi could take Zoe home and let her have a good night's sleep in her own bed. April and I stayed up most of the night talking and giggling. That definitely made this visit enjoyable.

The next day, Zoe and Levi came down and kept me company. Zoe said the hospital's bed was the most comfortable bed she's slept in and that she would like one.

To keep busy we played games, watched TV, watched life flight come and go several times a day, and played on our iPads.

One morning I was greeted with these cute pigeons when I opened the curtains. There were 4 pigeons when I first opened the curtain, but 2 flew off before I thought about taking a picture. I'll take any form of entertainment I can get while in the hospital to pass the time.

Ali came down and visited us as well. Ali and Zoe grabbed a drink and played games together. Then we sat and visited for a little while.

Here is a lovely picture of a few new battle wounds.

When I think about everything I've gone through this last year I can't believe it's possible that my family and I survived. I know many hands on Earth and in Heaven have been involved in my survival and recovery. I think I'm on my second set of guardian angels because the first set quit and is now in therapy.

As I continue to heal I'm constantly torn between not letting my challenges rule my life and listening to my body and resting when necessary. How will I get stronger if I don't push myself? I'm having a hard time finding the right balance. I'm also having a hard time finding the motivation to exercise and push myself.

I love what Heather Hepler and Jeffery R. Holland said,

"At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening." -Heather Hepler

"Don't wait to live. This isn't a rehearsal; this isn't a dry run; this isn't a pre-performance routine. This is it. This is real life. Don't wait. Savor every minute". -Jeffrey R. Holland

So, I am going to focus on and be thankful for the good things, learn from the difficult experiences and keep pushing forward, even when I want to give up.

"It is one of the great ironies of our age that we are blessed with so much and yet we can be so unhappy. Happiness doesn't come from external circumstances. It comes from the inside-regardless of what is happening around us". -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I CHOOSE to be HAPPY! It's not always easy and many days I fail, but I get up and try again.