Keep your head up

We are keeping things eventual as we normally do here at the Smith house. On May 5th, my 1 year transplant anniversary, we jumped on a plane headed to San Jose for my 1 year transplant follow up with Stanford.

On Monday, May 6th I started the day with transplant clinic (blood draw, x-rays, PFT and meet with members from my transplant team). Then it was time for my bronchoscopy (heart and lung biopsy). Then I was supposed to meet with the ENT, but my bronchoscopy ran late and my ENT appointment was canceled.

On Tuesday, May 7th I had my right/left heart catheterization. After a few failed attempts of putting in an art line IV, they were able to get an IV in my left arm so they could give me pain meds. Then the doctors were able to place the art line in my wrist and neck. I was awake through the whole procedure and thankfully unable to feel more than slight pressure in some areas of my wrist and neck.

I was sure to leave the hospital with evidence that I had been there. Both the front and back sides of my arms and hands are covered in bruises.

We returned home with good news. My heart and lungs seem to be doing well and my test results appeared normal. I was also informed that the University of Utah was going to take over as lead on my transplant care. I will follow up with Stanford in 6 months. I'm excited and nervous. Stanford has taken great care of me, but I am excited to not travel as much for appointments.

On Monday, May 13th I met with my electrophysiologist and was able to come off 1 med and decrease the dose on another. Yay!

On Tuesday, May 14th I went to the University of Utah for my throat scar band surgery. Once inside my throat it was discovered that my scar band had disappeared. So they continued forward with the botox injections to help my voice.

(Vocal cords before and after the botox injection).

While in my throat the doctors took a picture where my lungs connect with my donors lungs. If you really think about it, you are seeing where 2 different bodies and 2 different sets of DNA are connected.

I don't know much about my donor. Back in February, I wrote a letter to my donor's family and expressed my gratitude. My donor's family can choose to accept or deny my letter, but I will never know unless they choose to respond. I would really like to meet my donor's family. I do not know if my donor is male or female, but I assume female based on his/her heart and lung size. I do know my donor was in their mid 50s and what state he/she was in at his/her time of death. I do know I want to honor him/her by making the most that I can with my gift of life.

I've been trying to process a lot of emotions that have arisen, especially since this last seizure. Traumatic memories play through my mind and I burst into tears. I am thankful for those in my life who listen to me and let me share what I am experiencing. I know I've mentioned it before that I've always disliked when others have said I'm here for a reason and having all of these experience for a reason. It makes me feel like I have failed to figure out why I'm still here on earth. I haven't figured out my purpose and therefore I'm still here.

This last week I have change my thinking patterns and started focusing on what am I suppose to learn while still here on Earth. I've started asking myself these questions.

What has each experience and trial help teach me?

What talents and abilities do I have that I should be using to help others?

What skills should I be developing?

What do I need to accomplish today?

What can I do for my family today?

What can I do to help Levi?

What can I do to lighten Levi's load?

What can I teach Zoe about our Savior?

How can I be an example for Zoe today?

I am going to focus on these questions to see if I can gain specific direction for my life.

I really like this quote, "Keep your head up. God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers." I jokingly say, "God must think I'm super human." I feel like a whiner when I complain because I can't image the pain and suffering our Savior experienced. I'm thankful for my trials and for the opportunity to develop more skills and talents.