It's a great day to be alive...

This past week I spent a few days in Palo Alto for my 10 month check up. I completed a blood draw, chest X-ray, PFT (pulmonary function test) and then met with members on my transplant team. They talked to me about having a procedure to remedy my gastroparesis. Not looking forward to another procedure, but love the idea of being able to tolerate foods I love and miss.

Next I had a bronchoscopy to check my lungs for signs of rejection. The procedure went smoother than it has in the past and my recovery was quick.

On Tuesday, I met with the psychiatrist and neurologist. The good news is I'm officially off my anti-seizure meds. Unfortunately, I can't drive until I'm seizure free for 1 year after discontinuing my anti-seizure meds. Bummer! That is going to be a long wait, but definitely worth it.

On Wednesday, my Stanford transplant coordinator called with the best news. I show NO SIGNS OF REJECTION!!!! I told Levi, "It's a great day to be alive."

To finish off the day, I met with the transplant support group. I'll be honest that I'm not sure if I like attending the support group. I have mixed emotions about it. I like meeting others who understand what I've been through, but it's really hard for me to process emotionally. I feel guilty and sad when I hear others talk about their worries and struggles while waiting for their transplant. Especially when they share how long they've been waiting. I feel jealousy and frustration when others share how smooth their transplant was and that they had no complications. Then I feel guilty for feeling frustrated and jealous. I think I should feel grateful and relieved. I leave the support group with a sick feeling in my stomach. I know those feelings are all trauma based. I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD and talk with my therapist regularly about it. I'm doing better, but certain smells, places, people and music can trigger anxiety attacks.

I am seeing the benefits of all of this and I'm truly grateful I'm alive. I'm continually improving and I look forward to getting stronger and checking more items off my bucket list. I've been trying to come up with some ways to celebrate my 1 year transplant anniversary. A vacation sounds good to me. I would also like to do something to honor my donor and their family. I'm open to ideas and suggestions.