The good, the bad, the ugly

A quick update. On Friday, I had my feeding tube removed. I had a lot of discomfort and pain for a couple days, but now I'm rid of it and enjoying my freedom.

The bad and the ugly:

The last few weeks have been emotionally and physically challenging for me. I go through bouts of depression and mourning the loss of who I was pre-stroke. I've lost skills I had before and struggle building new ones. I had this vision that I would have the transplant and after a few months of recovery I would feel better and do all the things I could never do before. I was going to run, go on hikes, and dance around the house with my daughter. I feel as if my hopes and dreams have been shattered and all that I was promised was taken away or that it was a cruel trick. I am able to see glimmers of hope. I'm told and understand that with time I will be able to do those things. I have seen great progress and miracles along this journey, but it's not happening as quickly as I would like. I think time and patience are the key. Patience with myself and time to allow my body to keep healing.

The good:

I would not be here if it wasn't for my support team. I have the greatest cheerleaders in the world.

I owe so much to this man. He has showed me what true love is. I won the jackpot with this one. When my body and mind were past exhaustion, Levi would physically lift me up. Every morning he would pull me out of bed, get me dressed, take me to my appointments and therapies, continue working from the hospital or apartment, and prepare meals. He was a 24/7 caregiver. He never complained and most of the time he literally had a song in his heart and skip in his step. The strength and determination he has is incredible. He continues to cheer me on and motivate me. I couldn't do it without him.

This little girl is the bravest and strongest kid I've ever met. I can't imagine how difficult it was for her to be a away from both her parents for months. I had wonderful family members who stepped in and provided excellent care for her, but I'm sure it was not the same as having her parents by her side. She has a compassionate and understanding heart. I hope and pray that all of this was worth it for her. I will never be able to express how much she means to me.

My mom has always been available for me. She is constantly serving my family. I know it was not easy and I'm sure it was scary at times. She always encouraged me to continue learning and growing. She allowed me to participate in and try any activities I wanted. She trusted me to make decisions for myself. She allowed me freedom to find my own strength and abilities.

My brothers and sisters all helped me in several ways. I received countless phone calls checking on me and giving me words of encouragement. Some were even able to visit me while I was in California.

I have extremely supportive friends. April flew out to California to care for me so Levi could take care of things at home. Ali cared for my cats and took care of our home. Both of these friends would talk with me over the phone even when I was unable to carry a decent conversation.

So many members of my ward (church) found ways to support my family by writing letters, phone calls, visits, and so much more. I needed them. I am beyond blessed and surrounded by caring friends.

All theses people and more have helped make my life better. I have learned many lessons from all of them. I am truly grateful and blessed.