I can do hard things

The last couple weeks have not gone as planned. I was finally released from the hospital, but not without many battle wounds. In order to be released I had to change my blood pressure medication (which cost me five days in the hospital) and get blood thinner shots twice a day. They were painful and left bruises. To top things off I had a uncomfortable esophageal manometry test done. When I was told I would be admitted into the hospital again I became extremely anxious and started crying. I was shaking with fear of knowing there would be more blood draws, IVs and pain. I pulled myself together and decided I was going to look for the good. I thought about this only being temporary and prayed for strength.

My emotions have been all over the place. One minute I'm happy and content, then I'm angry and discouraged. I thought about life being unfair and challenging. I was tired of needing to work so hard to remember how to do simple tasks. I started feeling sorry for myself.

(Please ignore my hairy body. It's one of the AWESOME side effects of all the anti-rejection meds I'm taking).

While on the plane ride home from Stanford, I watched the Mr. Roger's Neighborhood movie and it made me think about my attitude. I realized I have so much to be thankful for. My transplant was a success and has prolonged my life here on earth. I will continue to grow stronger. I can walk and care for myself. I get to finish raising my little girl. I survived a stroke. I can now type my own blog posts. I've been given another chance at life. I realized I'm tough. So, what am I going to do with these gifts? I'm going to work hard. I'm going to try running, relearn how to sew, relearn math and problem solving skills, and other skills I had. I'm going to gain it all back and more.

I started quilting again. Holding the fabric, following the patterns and sewing the fabric together has never been so challenging for me. It takes me several days to complete projects that use to take a few hours. I will keep working on it.

I will do my occupational, speech, physical, and cardiac therapies faithfully. I will become a stronger person than I was before. Instead of being embarrassed I'm learning to see my scars, feeding tube and mask as symbols of surviving hard challenges. I can do hard things and I'll continue to do hard things.

I have received countless notes from people cheering me on. I'm thankful for all the love and support I've received to help me on this journey. I feel so loved.