This is hard

This was a lot harder than what I was prepared for. Many things in my day to day life have changed and become difficult. I went from moving around freely to having to concentrate on every movement that I take. When I first woke up from the transplant I was able to move and talk as if nothing had changed, just a little pain in my chest at the incision. I was still able to move and talk and things were normal. About a week and a half later I woke up and I could only see out of my left side. I saw my doctor, Dr. Chhatwanni, and heard her say, “Sandra can you hear me?”. I could hear the doctors moving around and speaking to each other and then it went dark. I don’t have much memory of things that happened. I remember waking up, being in pain, and not being able to move; my body didn’t respond to my commands. I was uncomfortable and they couldn’t move my body to a comfortable position. I was informed that I had a seizure, May 13th, and on next day (the 14th) I had a stroke. As I worked on healing, I became sleep deprived and psychotic. Out of frustration and exhaustion, I would shake the side of the bed and complain about the pain. I couldn’t get relief from the pain. On June 7th, I was transferred to the rehabilitation center and was able to get quality sleep with the help of sleep meds. Many things were overstimulating when I was awake, so I preferred not to watch TV but just sit in silence and stare off in space. I started occupational therapy, physical therapy and speech therapy, including learning to walk again. On June 20th, I was readmitted to Stanford for reconstruction surgery on the artery where one of the main transplant lines went from transplant surgery and reconstructed the muscle there. They also discovered I had gastroparesis and would need a feeding tube in my abdomen directly to my intestines to give me the nutrients I need until I get better. During this same time I started having uncontrollable bloody noses. When I say uncontrollable, I mean it looked like a murder scene. (About 2 weeks after getting to the apartment we have been able to get the bloody noses under control, for now.) On July 7th, I was finally released from the hospital to my apartment. I was scared that we were doing this all on our own with no 24/7 medical staff support. That quickly changed when Levi took over the medical care - all his organizational and OCD skills have paid off. I was doing what I was told and not having to think on my own. I had checked out and was done with being poked and prodded and all the necessary medical stuff. I was going through the motions. I was in pain from the incisions and surgeries. On July 20th, Zoe arrived for the rest of the summer and I found my purpose. I couldn’t give up. I needed to be an example to keep going for her. I knew she would be okay without me but I needed to show her how to be a fighter and overcome challenges. My cognitive abilities have greatly improved. I am also walking without my walker and have greatly improved the distances I can go, even on stairs. My speech therapist has said I have improved faster than others in my situation. Unfortunately, I have caught the rhinovirus and will have to have IV infusions to help fight it. Thankfully it is nothing major and shouldn’t delay me from escaping California and going home! I miss home and the day to day routines. My transplant was successful. My new lungs and heart are working great. I’m feeling better about life and I see a lot of growth and potential in my future. I hope someday I will even run!